don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
