I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
