I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
