Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its not stalking. its research.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
