It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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