So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
