i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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