he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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