I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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