u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
