Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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