honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
