I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
