Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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