bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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