I CAN MOONWALK!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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