We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
