Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
