but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
