thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize