You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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