Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize