need another drink. this is the easiest way
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
