yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
