Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
