I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
