Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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