Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
