He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
