Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
