Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
