Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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