he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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