I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
