Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
