Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
