Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
