I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
