You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
