So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
