: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How external is "for external use only"?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
