in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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