new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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