I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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