Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
