you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
