Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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