If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
