I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize