Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
