Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
