btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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