I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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