i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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