i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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