I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
