Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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