I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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