I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
