Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The adults are the big ones right?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
