Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
