idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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