Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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