He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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