you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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