Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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