Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
