Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
