i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
