I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
